Alright. So, we have seen all those ads and TV series and movies. Everything that promotes fairness and how not being fair is a curse has been portrayed every now and then very prominently. Let’s be done with that already, can we? Enough with those unreal beauty standards defined by the society. Let’s face it, being fair or tall or having that “not really making sense” figure does not really get us anywhere in life. It is just another reason to point a finger at you, by people who really have nothing better to do. That’s it. That thin waist, that fair skin, and all that, that is not mandatory. It cannot make you feel good. If you are rotting within nothing can make you feel good. It is just like the nature you see. Some like the beaches, some find the mountains beautiful, some like the cities, and some just like the country side. They are all beautiful nonetheless. Let us take another example. How about we take some food into account. Dessert maybe? A chocolate cake? I loved chocolate cake. And the chocolate flavor, a lot. It was sumptuous to me, divine, love, orgasm. With time I got over it. Now I look at it, it is beautiful, but I would not pick that in the blink of an eye. But it did not lose its taste. It is still a delicacy sought by millions. It did not stop being made because I stopped liking it. It is still there, existing, flourishing, coming out with a better version of itself every now and then, not to impress me. Not really. We are not some restaurant or café who need great customer reviews to sell.

I might be expected to write something magical, that will suddenly magically touch the right nerve, and everything will change, and you will believe in yourself and start loving yourself. No! After reading millions of posts, poems, watching videos, I still could not. I could not believe that I am beautiful. I could not believe that I have qualities. I have been told, by many, morally pushed up and morally pulled down. And guess what? I was more inclined toward the pull down. So no, it would not happen in a day, probably not in a week, not in a month, not in a year either. Because it is the minuscule steps you take. It is how you decide to do it anyway even if you are bringing yourself down. I was a fat kid with nerdy looks. And I never cared. I did not bother to look good or put efforts. I was busy being a kid, a teenager, creating chaos in the class, being mischievous with friends, preparing for exams, learning how things work, setting up goals. I was not a very confident person back then either. Not at all. But I did not see the need for validation from someone else. I did not need to look good to someone else. But we grow up, we see more, we get into the society more, and that is when things got to me. I felt fat and I felt a misfit (still feel it). I want to grow out of this, but I cannot because I see people defining beauty standards and I cannot seem to be catching up. Those flawless skin, shiny hair, smooth hands, sexy dresses, those curves. I cannot seem to have any. Or maybe I just do not see me that way. To me I am still the fat nerd. The ugly tomboy. I have friends who constantly remind me that I am a quality human, a rare species (not bragging). But nothing gets through to me. I look into the mirror, I only see flaws. Being fair might not be my beauty definition. Mine could include a different list. Every time I want to get hold of it, it slips out of my hand. Imagine my despair! But that is probably because I have been waiting for validation. Validation from people who I don’t know, who don’t know me, who don’t care, who probably are not even aware of my existence. People who “don’t matter”.

I matter! My validation to me should matter. People cannot find you or me beautiful, that is up to them. “Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder”, heard that so many times. So why blame ourselves when they cannot see us beautiful. Why blame our body and tire our minds when our eyes too seem to be not working well? Why be so tough on ourselves? I have glasses on, I am myopic. Every time I go to an eye specialist the power of my glasses only increases. That should have taught me how bad my eyes are. I cannot even see my own reflection properly, I cannot even read something that is 3 meters away and there I sit judging myself. How is that fair? I see women walking by and I find them, each one of them beautiful and confident and so bold and shy and everything nice. And I look at myself and think why I couldn’t be that strong to feel that way about myself, to send the same vibe out to someone who is probably killing themselves over their looks. See, the problem lie in the roots.

But I am constantly trying. Not by trying beauty products, nope! But by eating right to keep me healthy. I am not trying to woo away the guys with my looks and throwing some unnecessary bone to them to draw attention, but constantly trying to get my mind away from negativity I have created about myself within me. I am not investing largely on some doctor to give me “society described look”, but I am going online and talking to people about our bodies, how it functions, how it changes with age, the hormonal effects, the nutrition requirements and I am grooming myself that way. I have spent a lot on beauty products, and trying to look good, and wanting to look good without wearing any make up. But no concealer and liner or beauty cream can make me feel good, but me! No beauty products really worked, unless you are using something to cool your skin, you know the refreshing feel in the summers. There I was successful. But otherwise it was a waste. Now I try and invest on my health instead. In pampering myself, getting the much-needed hair spa now and then, a nice mani-pedi, a soothing massage. I work out and I push my body to heal in the process. I have grown mentally and physically. I have grown so much to be able to move another girl and see beyond these beautifully and carefully designed standards. Yes, I am still failing to make myself feel that till now. And it’s okay, because the first thing is to be aware that the outside world does not get to validate me, unless it is my performance review at my job which determines my hike. I am my own validation and I know it. I just must work towards it.

So the point is you don’t need an hourglass figure to rock a bikini, you just need the bank balance (or an angel to gift it to you *wink*). So, go buy that dress that you liked and weren’t sure what society would think, or let your teeth sink into that cake that you love, then go for that run you need to feel liberated. Eat, sleep, exercise and invest in yourself, in what you want and not what the society thinks. Learn that language you love, learn MMA, get bruised, get rough or get married to the one you feel worth it and be happy making home with him/her. It is all on you. Grow as a person. Not for anyone else. Learn to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and smile and be flustered at the way you look at yourself with a desire to love yourself as if a lover so passionate. You are not born to make others feel good, or just to be married. You are not a baby making machine either. You are a lot more. You are a miracle. You are a blessing in every shape, size and color. You are beautiful and no magic words can make you feel that unless you let it break through to you. I am working on it. You should too. Do not look at the shiny hair or the flawless skin or the sexy dress next time a pretty lady passes you by. Instead see how she feels confident about herself, how she cares not about anyone, look how her boldness makes her beautiful. Look at that, take that from her. How she simply slays it. Because she is about that. It is tough, I get it. But you will never get there if you keep taking the wrong steps instead of the right. Even the biggest discoveries in science has room for variables. A healthy body and a healthy mind are your CONSTANT!

Let’s stop promoting the fairness cream and those supplements to enhance your assets. Let’s promote the girl now, let’s promote the women. Let’s promote Her. 

Story by: Tabassum Nasrat

In frame: Tabassum Nasrat