Darshatha- the visible voice : self love

Showing posts with label self love. Show all posts

Friday, 8 July 2022

How to get attention? by Juhi Meshram

If you ask people how to get attention, they mostly say why do you want it? Why would somebody want attention? There are a thousand explanations but a simple answer that they wish to feel wanted, we all do. We want people to remember us, miss us, value us or want us in different ways and there is nothing immature about it. But the big question is how do you get attention?

Well, you don't get it by simply asking for it, because we humans find hidden answers in simple things. You are considered desperate for trying hard and ignorant for keeping it casual. So when a friend asked me this question and I had nothing to say to her, I decided to Google "how to get attention from a man?". And as expected I found so many articles but not a single one had the answer for that. Instead, the articles said so much about how to impress your man, how to understand signs from a man or how to keep him interested in you. There was not one sensitive answer for a woman who might be looking for one, who might be looking to be considered important. It got me thinking, is it too off-stream to demand attention?

So I asked myself why would I, a 29 year old woman, ask Google about what a woman wants. So I stormed into my inner woman for an answer and I realized that there's no direct answer for it since I don't know how a man's mind work and it is not my place to guess or tell a man how to make a woman feel more attended. But there is one thing that is in my place to do and that is what I am going to do here.

I am going to tell you one very obvious thing that we all know but avoid confronting and that is our true emotion. The reason being, whenever we have tried it in the past, we have been heartbroken. Be it in our past relationships, our social lives or our professional lives. If I speak for majority of women, we have been taken for granted by our men, we have tried too hard to fit into society and we have definitely been questioned for making it big in our careers. It has been empowering to fight the odds but it has always been tough for our mental well being. Is it easy to understand now that why a woman seeks attention?

There might be a similar story for men but I would leave it for a man to tell. As for a woman, being a woman, all I can say is that we all have someone special in our lives and those special ones need our time, attention and emotion from time to time. And for you, no matter how many people you have in your life, you want that one person to be attentive to you. Now, this one special person might change multiple times in your life but till the time you have that one person, give them all the attention you can. And if you think it's too tough for you to provide them with that, then be upfront and tell them. Lets just be realistic and accept that there can be different special ones in different point of our lives or more than one special-ones at same point of our lives. Yes! I am considering the casual relationships we have and even then we are entitled to value all our 'casually-special' ones. I am a woman and I want attention and so does your woman. And instead of thinking why does anybody want attention, just think that a little attention may soothe a fragile mind struggling to sail through the day.

written by:

Juhi Meshram

on cover:

Nibedita Upadhyai

Monday, 14 September 2020

sunset

आत्मघात by Adity Sanker Pandey

wearedarshatha 19:21

उस कमरे के एक कोने में वो गुमसुम बैठा करता था,

मुख में ना शब्द , इशारों में वो सबकुछ कहता रहता था।

थे जो सवाल उसके मन में वो सबके लिए अनायास थे,

उसके लिए जीवन उसका अब बस उनके जवाब ही थे।

ढूंढा उसने जो किताबों में, कई मंदिर और मजारों में,

जवाब मिला वो पागल है, है शंका है उसके खयालों में।

फिर वापस आकर कमरे में, अकेले में सन्नाटे से,

फिर वही प्रश्न पूछे उसने इस बार मगर, दीवारों से।

क्या ऐसा है कि हैं ही नहीं वो उत्तर इस संसार में ही,

फिर क्यों ना किताबों कि माने और पूछें उस भगवान से ही।

हां अभी जहां तुम बैठे हो, हां वहीं बनी एक सूली थी,

हां वहीं फिर से एक और जान घंटो तक उससे झूली थी।

स्वर्ग द्वार पे खड़े हुए, जब उसने अन्दर कदम ना रखा,

परमात्मा को भी उसके फिर परमार्थ भाव का मनन हुआ।

दे दो उत्तर उन प्रश्नों का मुझे वापस श्रृष्टि पर जाना है,

मेरे जैसे कमजोर पड़े नादानो को मुझे बचाना है।

उन प्रश्नों का उत्तर तो तू उस धरती पे ही छोड़ आया है

यहां तो ना हैं सवाल , ना प्रकृति ना माया है।

था जब मनुष्य का सृजन हुआ, अलगाव का ना जन्म हुआ,

फिर भी ये कुछ यूं जुदा हुए, खुद से ही यूं बेहूदा हुए,

की एक था वही ढूढ़ रहा, जो दूजे के पास था रखा हुआ

फिर भी उसको ना फर्क पड़ा, पहला मरा या है ज़िंदा,

स्वार्थ इनपे जब हावी हुआ, "बस मै" का भाव तब हावी हुआ।

तुम्ही देखो जब खुद तुमने अपना ही संघार किया,

इनकी दुनिया क्या रुकी, थमी ? क्या एक पहर भी किसीने उपवास किया?

दुनिया तो बस चलती गई, चलती गई बस चलती गई।

Penned by: Adity Shanker Pandey (guest writer)

Presented by: Darshatha

Image by: Anonymous source of a beautiful sunset.

Tuesday, 24 December 2019

work

Beautiful you by Tabassum Nasrat

wearedarshatha 18:57

Alright. So, we have seen all those ads and TV series and movies. Everything that promotes fairness and how not being fair is a curse has been portrayed every now and then very prominently. Let’s be done with that already, can we? Enough with those unreal beauty standards defined by the society. Let’s face it, being fair or tall or having that “not really making sense” figure does not really get us anywhere in life. It is just another reason to point a finger at you, by people who really have nothing better to do. That’s it. That thin waist, that fair skin, and all that, that is not mandatory. It cannot make you feel good. If you are rotting within nothing can make you feel good. It is just like the nature you see. Some like the beaches, some find the mountains beautiful, some like the cities, and some just like the country side. They are all beautiful nonetheless. Let us take another example. How about we take some food into account. Dessert maybe? A chocolate cake? I loved chocolate cake. And the chocolate flavor, a lot. It was sumptuous to me, divine, love, orgasm. With time I got over it. Now I look at it, it is beautiful, but I would not pick that in the blink of an eye. But it did not lose its taste. It is still a delicacy sought by millions. It did not stop being made because I stopped liking it. It is still there, existing, flourishing, coming out with a better version of itself every now and then, not to impress me. Not really. We are not some restaurant or café who need great customer reviews to sell.

I might be expected to write something magical, that will suddenly magically touch the right nerve, and everything will change, and you will believe in yourself and start loving yourself. No! After reading millions of posts, poems, watching videos, I still could not. I could not believe that I am beautiful. I could not believe that I have qualities. I have been told, by many, morally pushed up and morally pulled down. And guess what? I was more inclined toward the pull down. So no, it would not happen in a day, probably not in a week, not in a month, not in a year either. Because it is the minuscule steps you take. It is how you decide to do it anyway even if you are bringing yourself down. I was a fat kid with nerdy looks. And I never cared. I did not bother to look good or put efforts. I was busy being a kid, a teenager, creating chaos in the class, being mischievous with friends, preparing for exams, learning how things work, setting up goals. I was not a very confident person back then either. Not at all. But I did not see the need for validation from someone else. I did not need to look good to someone else. But we grow up, we see more, we get into the society more, and that is when things got to me. I felt fat and I felt a misfit (still feel it). I want to grow out of this, but I cannot because I see people defining beauty standards and I cannot seem to be catching up. Those flawless skin, shiny hair, smooth hands, sexy dresses, those curves. I cannot seem to have any. Or maybe I just do not see me that way. To me I am still the fat nerd. The ugly tomboy. I have friends who constantly remind me that I am a quality human, a rare species (not bragging). But nothing gets through to me. I look into the mirror, I only see flaws. Being fair might not be my beauty definition. Mine could include a different list. Every time I want to get hold of it, it slips out of my hand. Imagine my despair! But that is probably because I have been waiting for validation. Validation from people who I don’t know, who don’t know me, who don’t care, who probably are not even aware of my existence. People who “don’t matter”.

I matter! My validation to me should matter. People cannot find you or me beautiful, that is up to them. “Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder”, heard that so many times. So why blame ourselves when they cannot see us beautiful. Why blame our body and tire our minds when our eyes too seem to be not working well? Why be so tough on ourselves? I have glasses on, I am myopic. Every time I go to an eye specialist the power of my glasses only increases. That should have taught me how bad my eyes are. I cannot even see my own reflection properly, I cannot even read something that is 3 meters away and there I sit judging myself. How is that fair? I see women walking by and I find them, each one of them beautiful and confident and so bold and shy and everything nice. And I look at myself and think why I couldn’t be that strong to feel that way about myself, to send the same vibe out to someone who is probably killing themselves over their looks. See, the problem lie in the roots.

But I am constantly trying. Not by trying beauty products, nope! But by eating right to keep me healthy. I am not trying to woo away the guys with my looks and throwing some unnecessary bone to them to draw attention, but constantly trying to get my mind away from negativity I have created about myself within me. I am not investing largely on some doctor to give me “society described look”, but I am going online and talking to people about our bodies, how it functions, how it changes with age, the hormonal effects, the nutrition requirements and I am grooming myself that way. I have spent a lot on beauty products, and trying to look good, and wanting to look good without wearing any make up. But no concealer and liner or beauty cream can make me feel good, but me! No beauty products really worked, unless you are using something to cool your skin, you know the refreshing feel in the summers. There I was successful. But otherwise it was a waste. Now I try and invest on my health instead. In pampering myself, getting the much-needed hair spa now and then, a nice mani-pedi, a soothing massage. I work out and I push my body to heal in the process. I have grown mentally and physically. I have grown so much to be able to move another girl and see beyond these beautifully and carefully designed standards. Yes, I am still failing to make myself feel that till now. And it’s okay, because the first thing is to be aware that the outside world does not get to validate me, unless it is my performance review at my job which determines my hike. I am my own validation and I know it. I just must work towards it.

So the point is you don’t need an hourglass figure to rock a bikini, you just need the bank balance (or an angel to gift it to you *wink*). So, go buy that dress that you liked and weren’t sure what society would think, or let your teeth sink into that cake that you love, then go for that run you need to feel liberated. Eat, sleep, exercise and invest in yourself, in what you want and not what the society thinks. Learn that language you love, learn MMA, get bruised, get rough or get married to the one you feel worth it and be happy making home with him/her. It is all on you. Grow as a person. Not for anyone else. Learn to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and smile and be flustered at the way you look at yourself with a desire to love yourself as if a lover so passionate. You are not born to make others feel good, or just to be married. You are not a baby making machine either. You are a lot more. You are a miracle. You are a blessing in every shape, size and color. You are beautiful and no magic words can make you feel that unless you let it break through to you. I am working on it. You should too. Do not look at the shiny hair or the flawless skin or the sexy dress next time a pretty lady passes you by. Instead see how she feels confident about herself, how she cares not about anyone, look how her boldness makes her beautiful. Look at that, take that from her. How she simply slays it. Because she is about that. It is tough, I get it. But you will never get there if you keep taking the wrong steps instead of the right. Even the biggest discoveries in science has room for variables. A healthy body and a healthy mind are your CONSTANT!

Let’s stop promoting the fairness cream and those supplements to enhance your assets. Let’s promote the girl now, let’s promote the women. Let’s promote Her.

Story by: Tabassum Nasrat

In frame: Tabassum Nasrat