Love, That I Lost to Hate by Shristi Nangalia

“Tea?” I asked, like every other day when he is back from the office.

 “Ah! Sure. Today was again a stressful day. But you know, I figured out something really important today.” he was smiling.

“What is it?” I smiled back.

“Hehe, it relates to the research I am working on.  I was going a little off-track. But, today I fixed it. It was so obvious that I felt sheepish later. But, you see? It was all for the good.” It seemed as if he was talking in his sleep, as if he was in his own dreamland. I loved this thing of his. I couldn’t stop smiling.

And “That’s so good, Suru.” is all I could say.

“Yeah. I have to go back and continue even today.” Suru said.

“You have been doing this often lately. I just want you to take care.”

“Yeah, I know. I want to finish this soon and correctly. Ajay have been helping me constantly. We are good.”

“You don’t look good with dark circles.” I complained, only to keep the conversation going.

“I am dark already. And we are in the United States. Nobody can tell if I have dark circles. Haha!” the optimist joked.

“Don’t say that. You are the brightest thing in my life.”

“Aww... and you are mine.”

 “Come back soon, Suru.”

 “Of course! Thanks for the tea, Soni. I will see you tomorrow morning then.” he was all set to leave for the office again.

“Hmm... I will miss you.” I meant it.

“Aww.... No, you wouldn’t miss me. Because, you would be having a super tight sleep now. You too are working and you get tired, don’t you?” his eyes were in mine.

How does he always manage to make things sound so right?

“Yes... I do...”

“Good. Now, go sleep like a baby. Take care.” He gave a quick kiss on my forehead and went past the main door. I locked it and went to bed obediently.

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I woke up to see his sleeping and almost smiling face next to me. I checked my phone, got freshened up and went into the kitchen following the daily routine.

“Good morning, Soni.” said a deeper voice of Suru from a distance.

“Good morning. All well?”

“Yes. I had a lovely sleep. So did you. I came back around 3, took a bath and slept beside you. You did not have a hint.”

“Oh! I am so sorry....” I felt guilty.

“Hey, I am kidding. Even, I did not want to wake you up. Now, take the sorry back.” He said.

“Okay... I take it back. Wait on the table, I will bring your tea and the newspaper is on the console.”

“Thank you.”

I woke up at the same time each day but a few days, I don’t know why, I run late. Like, today.

“Can you help me pack the lunch?”

“Noooo... I can’t.”

“What do you always do this, Suru? Why can’t you?”

“Soni.... If I pack my lunch, I would know what I would eat later on. But if you pack it, I will have that surprise element.” He had his excuses.

I waited a bit to digest what he had just said. But then, I couldn’t control my laughter.

“Hahaha! You talk like a comedian.” I said.

He had his funny child-like face on.

“When we will be having a baby, he is sure going to look like you. Exactly this face of yours!”

“No, I would want him or her to look like you.” He said checking his phone.

“We will see.”

“My Whatapp friend’s group is full of messages. Ritvik is getting married, finally!”

“Ritvik from Mumbai?”

“Yes. He is inviting us.”

“Oh, let’s try and take a few days break then. Our long-thought India trip is yet to happen. Maa will be very happy too.”

“You are right. Let me see if I can get a leave.”

“Okay then. I am going to get ready. I am running late. Here, your lunch box.” I handed him the box.

“Anna datha suhkhi bhava!” he said, raising his arm.

He said this phrase every time he is elated with someone’s offering food to him. It sometimes feels so good to listen to our regional languages while living in the States. Detached, yet still very rooted. That is how Suru is. I always asked him if he misses his country or wants to go back because I knew he was one true and loyal citizen. But he was an optimist. He believed if we can live here happily, we should continue to live here... happily. He believed that unless we are good to others, others will be good to us.

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Later when I was at my office, I received his text-

Going to the grill and bar with Ajay in the evening. See you straight at dinner.

 Little did I know- that this was going to be a lie; that he was not going to see me at dinner that night; that he was not going to see me ever. He never returned. They say he was shot. An overactive ‘fairer’ man misunderstood him due to his colour. At first, it felt like I would go and take away his life. But then, what difference would this make? This wouldn’t bring back my Suru. And Suru would not suggest me to do this... if he was alive.

I did not realise, that I never thought how life would be without Suru. That is why I stay clueless even now... about what actually will happen with me. What made the guy shoot and kill another guy? Hate? Hate for a skin colour, for an entire race? Or was it intolerance? Does it have to do anything with co-existence? Why couldn’t he just live with the hate? How does this hate empower us to the limit that we loose our senses? What did he get out of this? He is going to sleep alone in an empty grey cell for the rest of his life. What a reward he got... for spreading hate.

But the hate remains... in every one of us. Millions of examples lie in front of us. They just lie- dead. Somebody pick them up! Somebody give them a meaning! Somebody show how powerful its antonym, love, is!