Darshatha- the visible voice

Saturday, 6 August 2022

Stubborn Hopes by Shristi Nangalia

I have always been said that fears, remorse and regrets are paralytic. But lately I have realized that the reason for my decision paralysis is.. Hope.

While things around me take their sweet time to fall into place, I waited. I waited for magic to happen, I waited for signs from the universe, I waited for the wrong to turn right on its own... hoping it was possible and that it will happen tomorrow, or day after, or months after..

Soon enough, after perceiving that its unrewarding, I started fearing hope itself.. which seemed to turn even more futile for my growth. I needed answers. Should I hope or should I not? Does hoping involve a strategy? If not hope, what do I hold on to?

And then yesterday, when I was trying to fall asleep late in the night, my phone buzzed. It was an email from 'The Artidote'. It was their weekly newsletter about self-faith, penned by Jova. I opened the email and started reading...

What does it feel like to have full faith in yourself?

What must it feel like to hold a deeper knowing that you can trust?

When we dare venture to move beyond what we currently know and experience something new (gain new perspective), not only may we be able to answer some questions we’ve already posed for ourselves… but we may find answers to questions we don’t yet know to ask.

But you gotta dare venture. Otherwise you will remain with the same questions in a loop; coming up with answers based on a limited perspective of where you've already been..

We cannot be afraid of something we don’t know (because we haven’t been there). It's impossible, literally. What we are afraid of is repeating old knowns.

That’s why meditating on what it means (and feels like) to believe in myself has been crucial in this moment of my life. Knowing that I will always know what’s best for me and that I will always have my back, no matter what new territory I reach, has made all the difference.

Some people call it “confidence.” But confidence is really only the belief that you are always capable of learning new things.

I paused for several moments. I re-read it.

I understood that its not hope that I should cultivate.. It should be belief. A belief that I have what it takes to change my life for the better.

I understood that I have it all- experience from what's done, acceptance of what's to come and tendance for self.

Rather than outsourcing good feelings, I promised myself to try to produce them myself with the gifts from life available to me.

I set up an alarm 30 minutes preceding to what I usually set and tried to sleep.

Written by- Shristi Nangalia

On cover- Smita Sharan

Friday, 29 July 2022

work

Nights before that day. by Juhi Meshram

wearedarshatha 15:14

I was sleeping until I was not. I reached for my phone in the dark and as the dim screen light fell on my face, I saw it was 4 in the morning. I had hardly slept for two hours but I was wide awake. I minced my eyes pretending to sleep, but I failed. So I grabbed my phone again. I turned on the flashlight and looked around the queen size bed where I was lying alone. For some reason I had been doing that every time I woke up during the night. I opened the small window in the room looking outside where there were already trucks moving in the GE road below the under construction metro line. I looked away and looked into my phone to text Anuj saying, "zinda hai?" He was offline, so I stared at the screen scrolling our chat. I had texted him every night for more than 3 months now and I was having trouble sleeping for about 8 months. Initially I used to jump straight into Netflix or Prime. But I later realized that it was actually contributing to my insomnia, same was the case with reading books. Sometimes I had even tried to work but it seemed hopeless so I stopped. I shared it with a friend of mine, living some 1000 miles away and since then, texting him had become a ritual. I would text him every night and we would chat about nothing. It gave me sense of presence. Though I wasn't living alone, I had flat mates, my friends were present at the reach of my phone and I had an exhausting job. It wasn't homesickness either then what was it? What was keeping me awake? Anuj wasn't online so I pressed back to scroll my contacts. I was looking at names, for people whom I could text and talk. I had 5 people in my speed dial but I couldn't press the call button. Something told me I would be disturbing them. So I went back to our chat and started reading my messages. I had sounded like a lonely person looking for reasons to continue the chat. And he knew me and for some reasons he was always awake, so he had spoken to me every time I had texted. It was comforting but at the same time it was making me more miserable. After a while I switched to Netflix, I tapped on every icon, watched some teasers. I switched to Prime and watched some more. But I couldn't decide on anything to watch. It took me a while to realize that I was scrolling again, aimlessly. The left edge on my phone screen outside the app which shows time read 06:00. I had no sleep in my eyes, so I wore my headphones, played a random playlist which couldn't grab my attention much and closed my eyes. I was silently praying for the sleep to get me.

I woke up around 12 in the noon. I had slept for 6 hours straight and that was more or less how much other people sleep. But the problem was that I already felt tired. I wasn't fresh, I wasn't ready to leave the bed or even face the day and above all, I wasn't jobless. I was a freelancer with a Modular Interior company and I had to submit my designs today. I woke up with all the force, made some eggs and coffee, opened my laptop and started working. I played my playlist on phone. It was hours before my slow laptop gave me desired results and when I looked out of the window, it was already dark. The sky doesn't turn purple in Mumbai before 7 in the evening. Then I decided to take a walk. I went to the market nearby, listening to my playlist. I shopped grocery while my roommate bought some clothes. It was easier to get good clothes in reasonable rates in any damn market from any damn neighborhood in Mumbai. But lately I was not even looking at those clothe shops. I had gained fat in tummy; visible enough and it wasn't making me any more excited about myself. We came back home and I got glued to my phone again watching COMICSTAN when Anuj texted. It was 1 in the night when I removed my headphones. I closed the window to get rid of the outside noise. Apparently, I had learnt well that Mumbai actually never slept and living alongside main road didn't help. We chatted for a while. He had a night shift in his job and that was his reason for not texting. He never pitied me for feeling lonely or sleeping at odd hours. I used to sleep 6-7 hours a day anyway, I wasn't going to office everyday and I was always hooked to my bed; so there was nothing to be pitied about. After a while he went back to work and I was left alone, again. And all the talk went away as well. I was again feeling insomniac, hopeless and distracted. I checked my mail as I had to travel the next day to meet a client. For a change, I switched to my personal mail and started reading old mails, the times I had written to my friends. I was reading each mail and jumping through nostalgia and emotions. With each mail I felt more hyped and blamed it on myself for being too emotional. I was exhausted, I was before screen the whole day. It was 5 in the morning and I had to start for work at 8 am the next day. Surprisingly, I woke up exactly after 2 hours without an alarm, like it was fed in my mind. I was always happy when going out for work. I met my client and colleagues in the office, finished with my work for the day, roamed around for few hours and went back to home. It was evening and I had no work to do. I spent some time with my roommates and then went back to my room. I was looking at my screen, it went from 8 pm, to 12 am to 4 am. I had slept for 2 hours the previous night and still no sign of sleep. I was feeling hopeless again, like I was not with myself anymore. I tried to cry but there were no tears to shed in my grief.

The next day, I didn't leave the bed till it was 2 in the afternoon. Next to that, I left my bed in the evening. I knew I had to work hard for a breakthrough but I had no idea where to begin with. I had been awake every night for 9 months now. I had hardly seen the sun or a clear sky. The only days I would go out were either for work or for grocery shopping. And those days counted 5-6 in a month. I was still looking for the breakthrough, I was still chatting with Anuj, who was trying his best to make me feel normal. I was lost but I had no clue on where to look for myself. And then it clicked. I had not written a single word in 9 months or before that. It was 2 in the night when I searched the cupboard for my diary. I looked and looked and when I found it, the last page read October 2018. It was late September 2019 when I found my diary again.

So I figured I was missing the passion and probably a direction. I wrote that night. I looked out of the window and kept writing. I wasn't writing any story, I was just looking outside and recording everything I heard or saw. 2 turned into 6, night turned into morning and I kept writing. As the sun came up, I tied my shoes and went for running. It was a nice morning. I heard the birds chirping after ages, I witnessed the sunrise after ages and I ate breakfast in the morning after ages. I was so happy after a long time, like I had cracked it for myself. Then, I was so tired by 11 am that I went to bed. I had a trouble free sleep after a while now. When I woke up it was already dark. I looked outside the window and the sky was purple. I was finding it hard to leave my bed. I was feeling hopeless again. I was feeling lonely, like most of us do when we wake up in the evening after a long afternoon sleep on a weekend. Anuj had once told me that every time before sleeping he would text a few friends, so that when he would wake up and find even one response from those people he would not feel alone. I never forgot this, but I always forgot to text people before sleeping. I knew what I was feeling was not just loneliness, I knew what I was feeling was different. I wanted to cry as nothing had changed, I hadn't cracked anything and I was back in the loop of endless nights. But there were no tears to shed in my grief. Yet there was something different about tonight, as I had seen the morning before. I knew now that it was the absolute bottom where I was. I couldn't go any down and if I did, I would lose all happiness one could hold for keeping to live. The mere thought of it terrified me and there was only one thing to do now. It wasn't about hope or happiness anymore, it was about survival. Even if there was a little happiness in the morning, a little hope for myself, I had to look for it. And after that, every night I have kept looking. Till this day, I don't know what I was missing, my best guess is realization.

Story Writer: Juhi Meshram

On Cover- Anuj Saxena

Wednesday, 13 July 2022

write

Dream big, they say. by Shristi Nangalia

wearedarshatha 16:34

how can one hammer wood without a thud?

how can one stay parched in case of a flood?

how can one be oblivious of dark clouds

and focus only on the silver shine?

how can one wreck all inhibitions

and let acknowledgements align?

how can one feel satiated in a moment

when they've craved of a lifetime?

how can one shun the hollers of the head

and the mind's incessant chime?

how can a heart be full of something

and still miss it?

how can a throat that is dry and suffocating

doesn't care to admit?

how can one yearn of someone

more than they should?

how can one train the touches

and tame the kisses so good?

how can one walk through the rain

without hope, faith and might?

for now, the only way forward

is to dream of clear skies and moonlight.

Writer- Shristi Nangalia

On frame- Toshni Ghatate

Friday, 8 July 2022

woman

How to get attention? by Juhi Meshram

wearedarshatha 22:11

If you ask people how to get attention, they mostly say why do you want it? Why would somebody want attention? There are a thousand explanations but a simple answer that they wish to feel wanted, we all do. We want people to remember us, miss us, value us or want us in different ways and there is nothing immature about it. But the big question is how do you get attention?

Well, you don't get it by simply asking for it, because we humans find hidden answers in simple things. You are considered desperate for trying hard and ignorant for keeping it casual. So when a friend asked me this question and I had nothing to say to her, I decided to Google "how to get attention from a man?". And as expected I found so many articles but not a single one had the answer for that. Instead, the articles said so much about how to impress your man, how to understand signs from a man or how to keep him interested in you. There was not one sensitive answer for a woman who might be looking for one, who might be looking to be considered important. It got me thinking, is it too off-stream to demand attention?

So I asked myself why would I, a 29 year old woman, ask Google about what a woman wants. So I stormed into my inner woman for an answer and I realized that there's no direct answer for it since I don't know how a man's mind work and it is not my place to guess or tell a man how to make a woman feel more attended. But there is one thing that is in my place to do and that is what I am going to do here.

I am going to tell you one very obvious thing that we all know but avoid confronting and that is our true emotion. The reason being, whenever we have tried it in the past, we have been heartbroken. Be it in our past relationships, our social lives or our professional lives. If I speak for majority of women, we have been taken for granted by our men, we have tried too hard to fit into society and we have definitely been questioned for making it big in our careers. It has been empowering to fight the odds but it has always been tough for our mental well being. Is it easy to understand now that why a woman seeks attention?

There might be a similar story for men but I would leave it for a man to tell. As for a woman, being a woman, all I can say is that we all have someone special in our lives and those special ones need our time, attention and emotion from time to time. And for you, no matter how many people you have in your life, you want that one person to be attentive to you. Now, this one special person might change multiple times in your life but till the time you have that one person, give them all the attention you can. And if you think it's too tough for you to provide them with that, then be upfront and tell them. Lets just be realistic and accept that there can be different special ones in different point of our lives or more than one special-ones at same point of our lives. Yes! I am considering the casual relationships we have and even then we are entitled to value all our 'casually-special' ones. I am a woman and I want attention and so does your woman. And instead of thinking why does anybody want attention, just think that a little attention may soothe a fragile mind struggling to sail through the day.

written by:

Juhi Meshram

on cover:

Nibedita Upadhyai

Sunday, 1 August 2021

wildlife

Let's Be Friends by Shristi Nangalia

wearedarshatha 16:00

“It’s Sunday! And it's friendship day! Let’s go fishing!” I was excited to test the new fishing rod that I bought. Coco, my Labrador, came running to me. Behind him, came my 9 year old son, Dhiru. But he did not look very happy.

“What happened, Dhiru? Why are you unhappy?”

“Papa, why do we have to go fishing?” he asked in a sulky tone.

“Because... it is a holiday! Don’t you remember the fishes we caught last time?”

“Umm.. but don’t you think fishes like it more when they are under water? I mean, we only kill them for our dinner. We can have... veggies too...” he said.

“Woah, where is this coming from? You had so much fun the other day. I bought this new rod only for you.” I was confused and did not know what to say. Coco was staring at Dhiru too.

“Thank you for it, Papa. But I think we should not use the nature.”

“Use? Yeah, but we cannot do without using nature, buddy.”

“But we are using too much.... Everything of it. And in return, we give nothing.” Dhiru made me start to think.

“Who told you all this, Dhiru? The TV guys?” I really wanted to know.

“We had a guest at school yesterday. He talked to us. He is a conversationist.”

“Haha, you mean a conservationist.”

“Conservationist, yeah!” Dhiru continued... “He said... Our car harms the air, our garbage harms the soil, we use too much water everyday.... and now we are eating nature too...”

“We are eating nature?” I was dumbfounded.

“The animals, Papa! We are eating the nature! Nature has always given to us and we only use it without thinking.”

“But.. Coco likes to eat fish. And we love it too. Don’t we?”

“Yes Papa, but that’s not love. If we love fish, we should let them go. I cannot think of being killed and cooked... and eaten... and..”

“Don’t say that!!!” I shouted.

He went silent. He slowly put his head down in disappointment. I put my head down too... in shame.

Coco got really stimulated seeing us sad. He vigorously started licking me and Dhiru’s face. Dhiru’s words, Coco’s expression, this silence... everything made me stop and... think.

“Papa, he said we have already used the amount of nature that was given to us for the whole year. It is only August. Now after this, whatever we will be using is not ours... not ours yet.”

“Really? It was the overshoot day?”

“Yes, the overshoot day. Look at Coco... the trees.. the lakes.. they are all our friends. They provide us with food, material and health... and company.” He made sense.

“Hehe, yes...”

“But only they do their part...like a friend. But we are not good friends to them. We only think about us. The wooden floor we are sitting on was once a green tree. They oil we use were beautiful flowers... Nature is all around us.. Helping us live.”

“That is true, Dhiru.” I understood what he was trying to say.

His face was still dull. I wanted to cheer him up.

“Come with me.” I said. Coco stood up at once and his eyes widened.

“Where are we going?” Dhiru asked.

“To the fishes.” I said with a straight face.

“Let’s just not go fishing, Papaaaa.” I could see tears forming in his eyes.

“No Dhiru, we aren’t going to fish. Let’s pick some fish food on the way and you can feed them all at the lake.” I smiled then.

“REALLYYYY... YAAAYYYY.” screamed Dhiru. Coco retorted with running around us.... jumping.

“Let’s just do what we can, from now on. Let’s be good friends to nature.”

“Yayyyyyy... Yes Papa, we will.” Dhiru’s eyes gleamed.

“Let’s go fast!” I said clapping my hands. Coco jumped more.

“Yes.. Let me get the car keys.” Dhiru stood up.

“No bud. We are walking.”

Sunday, 25 July 2021

vibration

Humanly Resonance by Shristi Nangalia

wearedarshatha 14:26

Do you believe in the theory that says when people vibrate with the same frequency, they attract themselves towards one another? That when people meet, they are 'meant' to meet? Do you believe that universe fights for souls to come and to be together?

I think I do.

I know.. It is not easy to buy that there is a universe sitting above us, pushing people in certain directions, irrespective of the daily lives they are already leading. But, why not? Keeping all rationality and cognitive thinking aside, I particularly am sold on the essence of romanticism and mystique the concept holds. May or may not be for a particular motive or purpose, I believe people (or matter per se) don't encounter or engage for nothing.

When you mindlessly find yourself at a random worldly chatroom and you connect with a stranger on a deeper level, when you suddenly meet a schoolmate you never talked to at a party and realise you have a lot of common interests, when you team up with a co-worker and attach with them quicker than you could ever have, when you feel in 'sync' with a person regardless of their age, gender or relation.. it should (could*) mean something, right!?

And no, its not just about love or attraction. I believe, syncing up with an other person can make us feel a little more understood, a little more owned. This convergence can, in turn, reduce anxiety and induce mental healing and wellbeing. The act of recognising the association can itself feel liberating and can boost one's knowledge of self. So, why resist it when there may be a chance? It doesn't have to appear like a fairytale. It can be simple, but assuring. Your heart will know.. even if your mind disapproves.

It is not something to fret about though. We don't have to wait for it, we don't have to work towards it. It should, above all, feel as effortless, smooth and organic as breathing. I guess, only then it can bring a positive difference in our lives.

Saturday, 10 October 2020

world health organisation

Chasing Happiness by Juhi Meshram

wearedarshatha 18:45

We often say, “I am anxious”, “I am stressing out”, “ I am so depressed” and what we hear in return, “You will be fine” , “you are worrying too much”, “you are overreacting” etc. We often are considered “dramatic” or “making excuses” to gain attention, sympathy or simply to avoid working. In the past I have been no different than society in thinking this way about mental health. If I am not happy that means I am expecting too much, If I am not focusing then I am clearly making excuses because I actually cannot do it, if I am stressed or anxious then I am overreacting or If I am depressed then I am seeking attention. It doesn’t change until we experience the extremes, let me tell you all about it.

One day I woke up and felt immense pain in my chest, like I was sinking and floating at the same time but not swimming. Something really bad had happened and the event was too much for me to take alone. I waited for two days, I thought it to be a mere sickness or an after effect of crying all night. I wasn’t sleeping. I decided to meet a doc and he asked me how I was feeling and I started crying. I cried so much I had to step out of his cabin to calm myself to normalcy. Looking at my condition I was advised to see a psychiatrist where I was diagnosed with Anxiety disorder.

No matter how much I had claimed of struggling in my life, those were the most dreadful days. There was immense pain in my chest, I used to experience panic attacks when I felt palpitations, deep chest pain and a shrinking void heart. I used to find it difficult to get out of bed, yet sleeplessness was constant. I used to feel restless all day long and my emotions were always hyped. I wasn’t able to focus on a single emotion, a single thought process or a single activity at a time. Nothing was pleasing me and everything was bothering me. I was on medication, slowly I started working out and meditating but with this I was also gaining weight. I was eating good but the grief was too much to make me look good, I had breakouts all over my face and the stress level was so high I just wasn’t keeping it inside. I experienced breaking down before my friends and family, So I started giving more time to art and literature as distractions but these same things which used to make me alive earlier started making me insecure, I lost interest in my job and soon resigned.

Today, It has been 11 months that I am seeking professional help and now I know how serious mental health is. I am not as vulnerable as I was in the beginning of my treatment. I carry myself quite well now. But it has changed me a lot. During covid-19 I have completely taken a break from professional work and pursuing writing and other interests. But I have no regrets because I am doing better. I started educating myself on mental health and mental illness. I started taking every moment seriously. I am more aware about myself than I ever was and I am settled with my priorities being happiness and peace before money and recognition. But it hasn’t changed the people around me. When I say I am feeling pain I am told to sleep and not think about it, If I open up about my condition people label me as attention-seeker and If I say I am doing better but the pain is constant I hear how I am adapting this lazy nature and don’t want to get better. My own mother called me weak-hearted, my friends complained of my changed behaviour and involvement in their lives and my brother called me mad. It doesn’t mean they aren’t caring for me or not supporting me, it just means they are not ready to change their mindset towards mental illness.

Let me give you a bit of what I have understood with my experience so far,

-If you think you aren’t happy just stop! Take a break and ask yourself why.

-If you see any behavioural, emotional, actional changes in yourself or in your people take it seriously.

-Listen to people in such conditions and be supportive.

-You aren’t crazy if you are seeking professional help, you are just ill and you are going to be better.

-Medical help is not everything, personal and social positivity affects the treatment a lot.

- No matter how much you educate yourself about mental illness, there are always people who think you are weak and making excuses.

-It’s not your job to educate them, just say yes and move forward.

-There are so many other types of mental illness than anxiety like Clinical Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Dementia,ADHD, Schizophrenia, OCD, Autism, PTSD and every one of them needs equal attention.

-Feeling down, unfocused, excessively emotional, tired,detached, short tempered, delusional, sleepless, irregul in eating, chnaged sex drive, violent, angry or suicidal is very normal if you are mentally ill.

-Start normalising people having mental illness because others aren’t going to do it for you.

I have shared my experience to reach a person who is suffering the same and letting him/her know that you aren’t alone and you aren’t weak. I have been on that edge and am coming out stronger and so you will. If you think of someone who needs to hear this please share this story.

Juhi Meshram

Darshatha

Monday, 14 September 2020

sunset

आत्मघात by Adity Sanker Pandey

wearedarshatha 19:21

उस कमरे के एक कोने में वो गुमसुम बैठा करता था,

मुख में ना शब्द , इशारों में वो सबकुछ कहता रहता था।

थे जो सवाल उसके मन में वो सबके लिए अनायास थे,

उसके लिए जीवन उसका अब बस उनके जवाब ही थे।

ढूंढा उसने जो किताबों में, कई मंदिर और मजारों में,

जवाब मिला वो पागल है, है शंका है उसके खयालों में।

फिर वापस आकर कमरे में, अकेले में सन्नाटे से,

फिर वही प्रश्न पूछे उसने इस बार मगर, दीवारों से।

क्या ऐसा है कि हैं ही नहीं वो उत्तर इस संसार में ही,

फिर क्यों ना किताबों कि माने और पूछें उस भगवान से ही।

हां अभी जहां तुम बैठे हो, हां वहीं बनी एक सूली थी,

हां वहीं फिर से एक और जान घंटो तक उससे झूली थी।

स्वर्ग द्वार पे खड़े हुए, जब उसने अन्दर कदम ना रखा,

परमात्मा को भी उसके फिर परमार्थ भाव का मनन हुआ।

दे दो उत्तर उन प्रश्नों का मुझे वापस श्रृष्टि पर जाना है,

मेरे जैसे कमजोर पड़े नादानो को मुझे बचाना है।

उन प्रश्नों का उत्तर तो तू उस धरती पे ही छोड़ आया है

यहां तो ना हैं सवाल , ना प्रकृति ना माया है।

था जब मनुष्य का सृजन हुआ, अलगाव का ना जन्म हुआ,

फिर भी ये कुछ यूं जुदा हुए, खुद से ही यूं बेहूदा हुए,

की एक था वही ढूढ़ रहा, जो दूजे के पास था रखा हुआ

फिर भी उसको ना फर्क पड़ा, पहला मरा या है ज़िंदा,

स्वार्थ इनपे जब हावी हुआ, "बस मै" का भाव तब हावी हुआ।

तुम्ही देखो जब खुद तुमने अपना ही संघार किया,

इनकी दुनिया क्या रुकी, थमी ? क्या एक पहर भी किसीने उपवास किया?

दुनिया तो बस चलती गई, चलती गई बस चलती गई।

Penned by: Adity Shanker Pandey (guest writer)

Presented by: Darshatha

Image by: Anonymous source of a beautiful sunset.

Sunday, 2 August 2020

tapri

Sacche dost bharosa nahi karte by Juhi Meshram

wearedarshatha 19:37

Let me tell you a tale of true friendship. Three friends met in their college campus after one year of completing college. They decided to revisit old places to rejuvenate their college days. During their day tour they stopped at a tapri near airport for chai and maggie when it started raining. Enjoying rain and nostalgia when another group of some college friends arrived, they were mused with the thoughts of their own happy days. In between talking about past days and checking out the other group it was time for them to go their separate ways. So, Sudeep decided to drop his friends, Shristi and Juhi to railway station in his car. A ride home just like old days. They were listening to rainy songs and talking about college time crushes when Shristi asked Sudeep if he had her power bank to which he simply denied. And Shristi thought he was lying just to tease her. So she concluded he had it but was not telling her to which he denied again. Shristi then asked Juhi who was sitting next to her for her remark on the topic to which she agreed saying, “he must have it, he is smiling weirdly.” Sudeep, who again simply denied their claims smiling even more weirdly. He said Shristi herself took the power bank and was just messing with him. Between all the claims of who had it or not they drove 4 miles when Shristi asked again, this time controlling her laugh, “yaar ab to station pahuchne wale hai ab to bata de kaha rkha hai.” And Sudeep laughing even more with a perfectly denying body language said, “nahi hai bhai mere pas sachme, mujhe lga tu bs mujhe pareshan krne ke liye bol rahi.”

Three friends, who knew each other for five years and understood each other in every ups and downs were here, confidently blaming each other for taking the power bank and confidently distrusting the other person. Juhi, breaking their never ending blame game uttered, “ek min! sach batao tum dono me se kiske pas hai?” There was silence for a complete minute. It was then when they realized none of them had it and they probably left it in tapri. They looked at one another and screamed, “holy shit” They drove back, got the power bank from tapri (which the tapriwala readily handed to them) and then back to railway station laughing at their own stupidity.

The thing to understand here is that no matter what, true friends don’t trust each other but they believe each other’s truths to be lies. And the thing to learn here is that when your friend says he hasn’t done something just trust him for once, it might save you some fuel.

Sunday, 5 July 2020

wrong

The ‘t-most’ population by Tabassum Nusrat

wearedarshatha 16:00

Let us consider 't-most' as a variable, where 't' is the population of men and ‘most’ are the men who dominates the other gender, abuses them, harasses them, treats them ill and acts superior over them. So t-most represents the men population who do not belong to most. The population which we often forget about when we are aggressively expressing bigotry against men. The population who we overlook, the population that comprises of the men who have stood by the rest of the genders, who has shown love and compassion, who has spoken up against any discrimination. This population comprises of the fathers who have sacrificed their lives over their daughters, the husbands who have worked hard to give the life the wives wished for, the brothers who ignored the pain on their legs so that their sisters could have a comfortable and fun ride, the friends who picked up their phone and listened to the rants of heartbreak and never complained, who took our sides even when we were wrong. We were so blinded by rage that we forgot to be grateful.

We were so busy looking at their flaws that we missed out on the sweet little things done by them. The cheesy romantic gestures, the big gestures, the bringing us food when cranky, to getting us comfortable when on PMS, buying our tampons to rushing us to the doctor, warming us up in the winter. Not that we cannot do all that by ourselves, but they hopped in and did it anyway, and showed their affection in every way they knew how. Oh yes, they get it wrong, so wrong most of the time, in fact some get it wrong every single time, but they try. They put their best foot forward in ways they knew how, from the hints they picked from peers, movies, and our words. There was so much of hatred and blame that we didn't notice their efforts they made on our account. We don't like being generalised, telling us women are "like this", or any such sexist comments. We take no time in standing up against it and with all our might and strength, gang up against those. Then how could we be such hypocrites and just shove blame on all men. Most of them grew up in a Patriarchal society, yet they are willing to be in our shoes and understand the daily frustration and discrimination or sexism we face. We could do the least and be grateful to them and their will to learn, understand and change.

This population of men is so close to us that they usually go out of focus. We can’t completely blame ourselves now, of course. It’s all science, the minimum distance from our eyes to be able to see and all that. But let’s not make out of sight out of mind the reason. Let’s do our bit. Let's not be the female version of chauvinism, instead, let's bring out some real feminism.

Note: This was written keeping in mind the daily experiences. It was keeping in mind my father’s arm around my shoulder, a brother in the public transport who made his sister comfortable on his lap. It was keeping in mind the friends who were there to listen to me ranting all day long. This is for the men who were willing to put their feet in the shoes of a woman, and came a long way in doing so. I understand and respect their emotions and encourage them to not be ashamed of showing them.

Written by: Tabassum Nusrat

Picture by: Clise Etiquette

Published by: Darshatha

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